I found a list yesterday online that was titled “The Ten Scariest Movies on Netflix”, and on that list was Insidious 2. As soon as I saw that, I knew I had to write a list of scary movies to watch on Netflix, right now (as of 9/17/2014) because that list was such total and utter shit that I could not let it go uncontested. No, I will not link to it, nor will I say what site I saw it on. I will say that list was absolute shit, the writer had no clue what they were talking about, and I thought I would just contest it with a better list. Let the movies speak for themselves, as such. Keep in mind, I learned from the first time I wrote one of these and I date them in the headline now, in case some of the films are eventually no longer available. As of time if publish, all five horror films included here were available on Netflix instant. Alright, let’s do this.
First thing I need to address before I go on my You Oughta Know tirade is, I know it is about 20 years too late. Sorry, I didn’t have a blog when the video and story about what the song was about finally revealed themselves. In the same breath, twenty years later puts it right at retro hilarity peak for Gen X and Gen Y, who are my favorite of all generations, so this can still work out. So flash back with me to a simpler time. It is 1995, and one of the best decades ever is halfway done. Suddenly, on the musical horizon, a young woman appears who seems to be spitting venom and filled with rage (which lent itself with to the riot grrrl ideal that was permeating music at the time). Her name is Alanis Morissette, and the first song she releases to the public is a song called You Oughta Know. A song so filled with venom that you know the guy who fucked her over must have been some sort of alpha male asshole who made her feel like nothing more than meat when he tossed her aside. You can hear how bitter she is in every screeching note and lyric, and you sit there, uncomfortably admiring the passion (or rolling your eyes, depending on who you are). But as we would all come to find out, HOLY SHIT, that song was about UNCLE JOEY FROM FULL HOUSE! A man who may be, for all intents and purposes, the least fuckable man on Earth, really. Yet here we have this lovely young woman, screaming about how she cannot let go of the fact that he hurt her. Something does not add up, right? Well, let’s delve a little deeper, shall we?
Many years ago, a dear friend approached me and asked me if I had seen the movie The United States of Leland. I told her I had not only never seen it, but up to that point, had never heard of it. She told me how it is a movie she genuinely believed would have a huge impact on me. A movie that dealt with autism, empathy, and emptiness in a way she had never seen before. She also went on to tell me it starred a young Ryan Gosling, and at that point, I was sold. Little did I know it would take my years until I found myself sitting down, watching the movie, in awe that everything she said was right. The movie had such a strong impact on me, the first thing I thought was “I need to tell more people about this movie”. What better place to do that then here? Don’t worry, much like my Why Haven’t You Seen It Column, nothing major will be spoiled here. Just me explaining why I think everyone needs to see The United States of Leland. By the way, if you HAVE seen this, please hit me up here, as I would genuinely like to share some theories, and only know one person who has seen this film. My goal here is to change that.
Last couple months have been sort of tough. Some major changes have happened in my life, accompanied by some loss and some learning. I notice in times like that, it is easiest to want to just crawl under your blankets and lose complete faith in humanity, but that would be too easy. To throw up your arms and just accept that the world sucks is to only perpetuate the inherent and undeniable suckiness of the world. I think, rather than that, it is in those lowest points you seek out things that will rekindle your flame of faith in humanity. I think it is in those darkest hours we need to seek out light. Seek our reminders why, even amid the chaos of our own tumultuous lives, that life is still pretty f*cking spectacular if you just know where to look. These 6 videos, I hope, will restore your faith in humanity just long enough that it leads you (and me) to more reasons why life, as ugly as it can get, it still pretty miraculous, too. I know my site is usually all doom and gloom, but how about a smile for once? I think we could all use one. Safe to say my new gig at Neatorama may have softened me up a bit, but don’t let that worry you. We all need to smile there and there, and here are six reasons to smile. I’ll get back to the weird and twisted soon, rest assured.
Ah, summer. With the scratch of your claws still stinging the flesh of my back, I bid you adieu. Not only do I bid you adieu, I stand on the balcony, flipping you off with both hands as you walk off into the distance. Some folks look at Labor Day as a sad day. A day of mourning, as they lay summer in her shallow grave for another 9 months. Some folks hang their heads heavy, speaking of how the shorter, colder days make them sad. They talk about summer like she was the greatest lay they ever had. Like she had some magical pixie dust she sprinkled on their f*cking faces every day that made their lives seem like a Disney movie, minus all the dead parents. Thing is, that was not my summer. As I am sure many of you noticed, I vanished pretty early in summer, and was not heard from much in the interim. Do you know why? Summer had me locked in a basement and came down only to feed my gruel and shove a finger in my arse. Summer would beat me into submission, only to wake me so it could beat me some more. It was like the movie Martyrs. I, for one, am so grateful to see this summer come to end. Truth is, I wish I could put its face against a curb and just bring a boot down on its jaw. To most everyone else, autumn means death. Death of nature, of welcoming weather, of beach trips and cook outs. To me, this autumn is a birth. Something utterly beautiful, but I had to live through the hell that was this summer to get here. Was it worth it? Well, I survived, didn’t I? That says it all.