So there you sit, on the precipice of death. Staring into the cold, icy oblivion as it calls up to you. Tells you it will take you in its arms and everything will be alright. Tells you to come home. So you jump toward the darkness, but you don’t quite make it. Nope. Something stops you, be it fate or a simple mistake or miscalculation on your part. And then you go on to live a whole new chapter of your life, thinking, I am really glad I didn’t actually die that day. Not that I would know anything about that, though. Anyway, here are ten celebrities you may not be aware tried to kill themselves, and failed miserably.  I’m dubbing this THE FEEL GOOD ARTICLE OF THE SUMMER!

Halle Berry

This one was surprising to me, too. After her short-lived marriage to David Justice, she was so messed up by the divorce and his infidelities that she sought to end her life via carbon monoxide poisoning. But it was the thought of her Mother walking in on her dead body that gave her a second wind, and made her stop before it was too late.

Get your head outta that oven girl, things’ll get better.

She has since recovered and did a pretty solid job of keeping this info quiet, but *she is my ex-girlfriend. So ofcourse I know this stuff.

*Clearly not true.

Sinead O’ Connor

Honestly, I blame the world for this one. LONG before the scandal broke about the molestation cover up by the Catholic church, this woman was ballsy enough to go on live TV, in America, and rip up a picture of the pope, telling us to “know the real enemy”. People misunderstood it, and she was basically exiled (even though she was right) as a result of it.

I would have held her tender frame to my breast and told her everything was going to be alright.

So TWICE since that SNL moment has Sinead tried to take her own life. And ofcourse, no one knows about it or cares, because we were taught to hate her by the media, even though she was defending children, which is about the bravest thing you can do. Sorry our world is cruel and ignorant, Sinead. I respected what you did, and still do to this day.

Clark Gable

See, even the most well put together and masculine fall as well. Distraught after a life of depression as the result of the untimely death of his mother at a young age, and then the tragic death of his wife, Carol Lombard, Gable tried to kill himself  in a grisly motorcycle crash, but it didn’t end up being nearly as grisly was he would have liked. Because he lived and stuff.

I bet he shined those pearly whites at death itself, and death was like, NAH, you’re destined for great things.

Good thing his motorcycle rampage didn’t pan out, because he went on to define the male movie star from the golden age, and is still seen as the epitome of style and class for many men.

Eminem

People who listen to his music know this, but do the people who aren’t familiar with his body of work know this? I say nah, I bet they don’t. One night, after Kim had left him and he feared not being able to see her or his baby daughter, Hailie Jade, he ate a whole bottle of Tylenol and waited for the winged angel of death to carry him away. But fate would not have it as such.

Tylenol and regret, yo.

Honestly, though, I do believe in some cases this just adds to the legend. Living through that gave him some great material to write about, and no one can question if he’s a tortured artist or not. Obviously, when you wanna die, that’s pretty tortured.

And by the way, have you seen little Hailie Jade in the last few years?

Hate to be the sixteen year old kid who shows up to date her. Eminem must put them through the wringer. And by wringer I mean shoot them in the dick.

Man, it’s got to be tough when Daddy’s little girl grows up. Thank God *I’m sterile.

*Probably not true.

Princess Diana

So finding out Princess Diana threw herself down a flight of stairs while she was pregnant with William is pretty messed up, actually.

Poor thing got pulled into a life that far beyond her control, and it took its toll.

She openly admitted she did it in an attempt to end her pain and unhappiness as a result of the life Charles thrust on her, Way to bring your kid into it, Princess. And look how he turned out????

Wait a second, he turned out quite well, actually.

Adam Ant

I imagine a good deal of you younger readers (you must be this tall to read this site) have no idea who Adam Ant is, so before I say anything, I will school you real quick.

This video started me off on my twenty year librarian fetish.

Yup, THAT’S Adam Ant. Shame on you for not knowing, He was a staple in 80’s music, and a pretty interesting guy. We had tea once, he touched my knee, shit got weird quick. But that is neither here nor there.

In his early twenties, after a breakup he found rather heart breaking, he went the ” I’m gonna eat a bunch of pills” route. It didn’t work, which is nice, or we would have been denied this:

And a life without “the Ant” is no life for me.

Crap, he is looking into my soul again.

Sammy Davis Jr

Say it aint so, Sammy?!

Sadly, it was so. And on his wedding night no less. He had a gun to his temple, cocked, when he had it wrestled from his hand! I bet Frank Sinatra is the one who saved him. Frank was badass like that.

“Thanks for stirring up old shit, Remy. Way to keep it classy.” Sammy Davis Jr

Rumor is that he was distraught over his race and religion, and the fact that he knew he was not going to be able to have a healthy relationship with the woman he REALLY was in love with, actress Kim Novak. So he intended to end it all and find comfort in the dark nothingness that silently surrounds us at all times, waiting to strike.

But hey, who can relate to that, AM I RIGHT???!!!!!!!

Billy Joel

You know what most people DON’T do when their first bands fail? Drink furniture polish to kill themselves. But yet, guess who did? Yup, the piano man. And even weirder, he wanted to drink bleach but said the furniture polish looked like it would taste better. What the huh?

You know what’s even more messed up. That is a mercury he is playing with, the man knows no fear.

This one is more sad than sweet, though, because since then, he has drunk driven into like three houses. That is pretty shameful.

One house is forgivable. Two is strange. But THREE HOUSES? it is like he hates houses or something. Poor guy. Sure can belt out a tune, though. The song PRESSURE is still badass.

Richard Pryor

It still bothers me that people think he caught on fire freebasing crack. He has openly admitted he lit himself on fire in an attempt to take his life. Yet, still, to this day,people talk about it as if he dropped a match on himself while smoking crack and went up like a bail of hay. No, people. He was an addict and he was depressed. Sadly, he wanted to die, and he had admitted this, many times over.

Cool and funny is hard to pull off, and Pryor had that shit mastered.

Maybe when we stop pretending suicide doesn’t exist, then we can start giving people the treatment they need and deserve, instead of shuffling them under a rug and forgetting they were ever here. Maybe if we threw these people life lines, instead of turning our head, we could actually help them and maybe save some further generations down the road as a result.

I know, crazy, right?

Drew Carey

Though you may know him as a funny guy now, Drew Carey’s life was anything but joyous when he was a kid. I won’t get into details, because this article is beginning to depress the fuck out of me, but I will say, he tried to kill himself twice in his teens. Hell, anyone in his situation would have done the same thing.

Trust me.

I’m showing fat Drew Carey, because fat Drew Carey is the best Drew Carey.

Afterthoughts: Alright, so now you are reading this and thinking “What did this article accomplish?” So let me tell you. Suicide is still wildly taboo in our society. And for as long as it stays that way, people are going to be too embarrassed to talk about it. These people got lucky, because they went on to have great careers and make names for themselves, but what about your friend who is sad or depressed? Are they gonna magically have a wealthy life and be loved by pop culture, and in that, find a reason to keep on going?

No, most likely they won’t.

Most likely they will continue to get beat down by life, or be sad and feel trapped in their depression. Because this world doesn’t allow us to talk about such subjects. And you know what? Eventually, the next time they try, they may not fail. So maybe we all DO need to talk about these celebrity suicide attempts. And shine some light on a universal problem that affects us all, but that we pretend doesn’t exist. 

Before more people feel that death is a viable alternative to life and seek out that alternative.