So this will be a new section on my site called BE FRIENDS WITH ME.
How it will work is simple. I will pick a writer, actor, author or a musician, and I will write an open letter to them, asking them to be my friend.
It may seem like a simple idea, but because of this exact reason, I am now friends with Prince, Jack Black and Susan Sarandon.
Ok, nothing about that last sentence was true, but for the sake of an article, let’s just get this ball rolling, ok?
Here goes nothing…
Dear Liam Neeson,
First off, I just want to say, I forgive you for Battleship. We all slip up now and then, and that only finally proves to me that you are, indeed, human. Now onto the good stuff.
We should totally be friends.
Now you may be thinking to yourself: Why? Then right after you think that, you probably jump kicked a wolf in the face and mind killed a Jedi. And you know what, wow. Just wow. But don’t mind me, I get easily distracted.
OH YEAH, why you should be friends with me. I remember now.
Well, honestly, I am a really nice guy. I help people change their tires on the side of the road when they are broken down (that is like the mortal man’s attainable version of being a hero, right?) and sometimes, I will give my last few dollars away. Not randomly, though. No, I mean to someone who needs it.
Another cool reason to be friends with me is because I can play quite a few instruments, because, you know what you need to do next? Lead a totally kickass rock band. You will be the lead singer, and I don’t even care if you have a terrible singing voice, because I just want you to talk over guitar. Just epic monologues all the time, while I jam out and melt people’s faces off. We could call ourselves The Mindkillers, as mentioned above. Or the Wolfpunchers as an obvious nod to The Grey. Hell, we could even call ourselves The Jew Savers as an homage to Schindler’s List.
Nah, scratch that last one.
But think about it, it could be an awesome next phase for you.
As far as choosing film characters, you have done it, man. You have been in everything good. It just makes sense to conquer new mediums now, you know? And honestly, there is some selfishness in regards to all this, too. I want to be friends with you because you are badass, and in my mind, I cannot differentiate between fiction and reality, so I think you would keep me safe in any scenario. I realize there is probably some deep seated Freudian stuff going on here, but let’s not look too much into it, Ok?
Let’s just be friends. I’ll help you rehearse lines and you can help me fight wolves and form the best band ever that has a name that is a not so subtle references to one of your films.
What do you say?