remorgy

I need you all to gather near,

lean in close and lend an ear.

This is a tale that never gets old:

The Greatest Orgy Never Told.

I got an invite that fateful day,

on plain white paper, with lattice, gray.

I opened it slowly, and to my surprise,

an orgy invitation greeted my eyes.

It said very little, just a date and a time,

and a single address, not far off from mine.

So I waited till nine, and dressed to the nines,

and intended to have a lascivious time.

The new cast of Glee have a decidedly more sinister look.

The new cast of Glee have a decidedly more sinister look.

I approached the house, I think I was panting.

Not so much a house as palatial mansion.

And when the butler finally opened the door,

that’s the moment when my jaw hit the floor.

How could this be, he is not real.

I can’t explain the emotions I feel.

This was no butler, I know that much…

twas a naked and greased up drunk Captain Crunch.

He shall not sleep until he rests his crunch berries on my chin.

He shall not sleep until he rests his crunch berries on my chin.

He grabbed on my arm and yanked me inside,

could tell by my face that I was terrified,

he pinched on my ass and gave me a wink,

Said “just let it happen, try not to think”

That is when the reality hit me,

what kind of in-between world could this be?

But before I could think about it all anymore,

I noticed Betty Crocker, down on all fours.

My eyes went wide, but I couldn’t look away.

Cuz Sonic walked in and was starting to play,

a gold ring in each hand,

and one through his cock.

Disgusted and saddened, I just couldn’t talk.

I sat there in awe as this blue haired hedge hog

covered Miss Crocker in his pixelated nog.

Just don't ask him where that thumb has been.

Just don’t ask him where that thumb has been.

I ran out of the room, stifling a scream.

Was any of this real or was I stuck in a dream?

The next room I reached further blew my mind,

Ronald McDonald with the Burger King behind.

Both of them grunting, covered in sweat,

With Ronald screaming “hold on, I haven’t cum yet!”

I held back all my vomit as the salads were tossed.

I guess I finally know what’s in his secret sauce.

This makes so much sense, actually.

I had to run away but I knew not where I could go,

that is when I heard a voice calling out “hoe”

the curiosity tugged at me, I had to take a peek,

when I saw the next room I just simply could not speak.

There was raviolis smeared all over the walls,

and a white-haired man with such tiny balls.

What cursed creatures were my eyes forced to see?

Flo from Progressive banging Chef Boyardee.

I bet this is her O face,

I bet this is her O face,

” My eyes, they need insurance!” I screamed and wept.

” Where is the bleach and the where is it kept?”

I dashed out the room and ran up some stairs.

I thought I was in Hell and I was stuck there.

I ran down a hallway and into a closet,

thought I was safe, that I finally stopped it.

I sat for a moment and caught my breath.

But I heard a noise that caused me stress.

I lit a lighter and caught without warning,

The Geico lizard was playing with himself in the corner.

So I ran and ran and ran some more,

Ran up some more stairs, and through some more doors,

Ran through the mansion that never ends.

I saw Snap, Crackle, and Pop,

and they were more than friends.

One of the rare occasions when they were snapping and crackling, right before they popped.

One of the rare occasions when they were snapping and crackling, right before they popped.

I tripped up some stairs, and went down some more

I ran until I could run no more.

I fell to my knees, through cries and pleas,

and asked why all this was happening to me.

At that single moment, I was fading to black,

then I felt a warming hand on my back.

I turned around quick, scared what I’d see,

it was my guardian angel known as

Little Debbie

My savior in snack land.

My savior in snack land.

Her eyes were wide and crystal blue,

she saw my soul and stared right through.

She looked at me and cocked her head,

and in a gentle voice, she softly said:

Why is it you look away,

yet you gaze upon these brands, everyday?

Too shy to see them in an intimate state,

yet you constantly shovel them, into your face.

You buy them all, time and again,

short-term lovers and digital friends.

I don’t care if you scared,

we don’t mind you can’t stand it,

it’s time to accept the fact you’ve been branded.

remy got branded

Branded by the brands you can’t live without.

Branded by the brands taking over your house.

All the brands on all of your toys,

Brands on the brands of the brands that bring joy.

So take off your clothes, and do what we say,

cuz it’s the brands that are taking over today.

Close your eyes, this won’t hurt a bit.

It’s a BRAND new day, you little shit….

Just gotta accept your fate sometimes.

Just gotta accept your fate sometimes.