The last week of November, I am always really excited about Christmas. The holiday specials start airing on TV, and everyone still seems sane and logical. Then Black Friday happens, and it just kicks everyone into insanity mode. I mean everyone. Even people who do not partake in that madness. It is like some mass pandemonium strikes and just inflicts everyone like some sort of zombie plague that doesn’t end up going away until after the new year. So in essence, last week of November? Really excited about Christmas. First week of December? Remembers how the holiday turns everyone into a psycho, and hates it again. I’m not alone in this, right?
Look at my awesome Adventure Time sword! LOOK AT IT! Do you even know how perfect it is when compared to Finn’s very first sword from that show? Note how it looks animated, rather than realistic. Note how it looks like it jumped right off the screen or page from the comic. I am wearing a nerd smile that is a mile wide right now because of this sword. You know how I got this sword? I had it made for me by some very awesome and extremely artistic people, who just might be willing to make something for you, too.
Wow. Wow is all I can say, over and over again. Well, wow and thank you, actually. When I started RemyCarreiro.com, I did not see this happening before the five-year mark. Hell, a couple hundred thousand views a year would have kept me going, honestly. Yet here we are, a year and five months from launch, and RemyCarreiro.com just passed two million hits. Trust me, I am even more shocked about than you. But I am not here to boast. As much as I am proud and want to jump up and down on my bed, the real reason I am here is the same reason I posted when I passed one million. I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you. My lovely readers, whom I have taken to calling REMlins. You guys and gals pretty much picked me up off the ground at my lowest point, and helped me find my voice. If I could hug every one of you, I would. No, honestly, I owe you a hug, whoever you are. I mean that.
Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a loop? You know, a loop? That weird feeling like you keep repeating the same day in the exact same way, over and over, like a human trapped in a hamster wheel? Didn’t we spend a great deal of our angst-filled adolescence SWEARING we would not become this? Isn’t this, for the most part, exactly what we didn’t want? The idea that, to survive, you must become a carbon copy of a carbon copy of a carbon copy. A rusted cog in a giant machine, and god forbid you try to turn yourself the opposite way just to experience change. As you are taught, the only thing that will do is to break the whole damn machine. So instead, you turn and turn, slowly accepting your fate with each slow-motion revolution. Each, the EXACT same as the last. I stand here asking because I know, I feel it, too. The redundancy of a daily life that feels eerily similar, every single day, and the feeling that, even if you stop for ice cream, or learn to play a new instrument, that won’t change anything. You will be stuck in the exact same place, doing the exact same thing, spinning in an unending loop, over and over, loop to loop, until you don’t know which way is up, and you don’t know what the fuck happened to your soul.
But really, how do we change it?
If you don’t look for it, you won’t notice it, and if you don’t know how to spot it, you will stay blind to it your whole life. I know millions of minds far brighter than mine have mined this issue a great deal deeper than I am about to, but just because it has been spoken of before and more eloquently, does not deny me the right to still speak of it. What IT is, is the dehumanization and stereotyping of the female gender in modern film. Though it has gone on since the very inception of the moving picture, you live in a society that wants to trick you into believing you have evolved past it. They want to wave a few actresses in your face, and say “see, SHE transcended it, so IT mustn’t exist any longer”, but we all need to know better. We all need to be media literate enough to be able to notice this as a problem, identify it, and stop allowing it. Though my voice is small, it was nurtured by my Mother and Sister’s voice, and they instilled a wisdom in me that I can only hope I can share with you. The ability to see the media’s war against woman, and the strength to want to stand up in opposition to it. Knowledge is always the first step.
Can you, even for a moment, imagine what it would be like to hang out with one of the members of the Wu-Tang Clan? Each member is unique and badass for different reasons. And more than just hanging out with them, can you imagine what it would be like to light up with a member of the Wu-Tang? Last time I waxed philosophical about what it would be like to hang out and get stoned with one of the modern rock greats, so this time, my mind naturally went to one of the hip hop greats. And as much as I would love to blaze with Jay-Z or Kanye, truth is, in my honest opinion, RZA is on a whole different level and planet than most, and I mean that as a compliment. Some see him as just a rapper or writer, but the truth is, RZA is a whole lot more than that. Dude is a living legend, and though I know most would pick Method Man if they could smoke with one member of Wu-Tang (or if they had a time machine, ODB), I pick RZA, aka Prince Rakeem, aka The Abbot, aka Bobby Digital, aka Prince Delight, aka Ruler Zig-Zag-Zig-Allah. Why? Because he is one of the greatest modern artists alive right now. Hip Hop’ true Renaissance man.
What does success mean to you? It is a wildly varied word, meaning very different things to different people. To some, success would mean riding jet skis with supermodels in Belize. To others, success means making enough to take care of themselves and the people they love. And even others judge success by no material means, looking at their lives as successful as long as they have people who love them and people they love back. But what escapes me is why, as a whole, when someone reaches a level of success they strive for and are comfortable with, why we are so quick to call them sellouts? Why do we condemn something that we, ourselves, would do in an instant? We say we just want those around us to be happy, but as soon as they find success and find that happiness, we crucify them and condemn them for that success. Being someone who fully intends to be a sellout one day when the right opportunity arises, I wanted to take a minute to explore this success conundrum in our modern society. I think it’s time we stopped looking at sellout as a bad thing, and maybe broaden the terms of what it does mean.
I hate to be straight to the point (ah, who am I kidding, no I don’t) but honestly, if you are a guy, you’re peeing wrong. Everything you were taught about peeing is wrong, and this is a very important issue we need to discuss now. This doesn’t just affect ten or fifteen men. No, this is a worldwide piss epidemic. Don’t worry, that makes it sound way more messy and intimidating than it really is. It is just a basic matter of unlearning what all men have learned up to this point in their lives about bathroom etiquette and peeing. I know that sounds lofty, but you are just hyping yourself up unnecessarily. The changes are just baby steps at first, but after you read this, it will make perfect sense. Ladies, I know there is no direct hand to genital contact when you guys pee, so this advice won’t affect you directly, but in an indirect way (we will have much cleaner, nicer penises) it will, so I want my female readership to read along, because you can then be my vessel to imbue this wisdom on younger generations of men who may look to you for advice one day, be they lovers or brothers. If they are both at the same time, I need you stop reading my site please.
Okay, onto the good stuff, I guess. Only really good stuff if you think articles about washing your hands and peeing is “good stuff”. It is a game changer, though, so in that sense, this is the “best” stuff.
When your parents were kids, everything was a mystery. All of life was discovered by talking to people who knew more than them, and reading. Lots and lots of reading. And even when I was a little kid in the 80′s, that mystery still existed. I was the last generation raised in a time before Google. If something intrigued me, I couldn’t use my Dad’s tablet to find out everything about it on the web within five minutes of learning about it. So, as kids were oft to do in those days, I went to the library and would get books on things that interested me. And that entire journey, from discovering something, to getting to the library, to finding the book about said subject, and then ingesting the information, was the reward. But make no mistakes. It really was a journey. The irony was that it could sometimes take weeks from finding out about something to learning about it. And in those weeks in between, you could potentially be distracted by the millions of other things we all learn on any given day. Alas, like I said, I was the last generation that had to do that. And now, we have everything at our fingertips through the world-wide web, so the answers that children seek can be acquired immediately, with little-to-no struggle. While we may think that means that we are living in a world where children are getting smarter and smarter, you may be surprised to find out that is only partially the case. We are also breeding generations of people who demand immediate gratification, and the moment that comes inevitably unavailable to them, we can expect to have a world full of adults who have been programmed to throw tantrums, and we have no one to blame but technology and our lazy-ass selves. The real question here is whether it’s too late to change it.
The unexplained intrigues me. We are a world full of people who insist on answers. So when something happens that no single person, scientist, or specialist can explain, I tend to get a little obsessed. Not in a bad way, but I like the draw of amazing unanswerable questions, and when I think about them, it only presents more unanswerable questions, and I end stacking questions on top of questions with little help of having any of them answered, and in an odd way, I enjoy that mystery. The beauty of having my own site is that I can bring these questions up, and hopefully, incite some conversations about some of these things, because there has to be somebody out there who knows something, and maybe by discussing it, we will come one step closer to finding some answers. Though part of me fears what we would find if we did, indeed, get all the answers about the Dyatlov Pass incident, when nine experienced hikers died in some strange ways and under some very creepy circumstances, and yet still, no one can explain what happened.