I know a great many of my readers turn to me for horror recommendations. It has sort of become my go-to thing. More than the Disney trip from hell, or the guy who killed a guy and then came to work, people ask me about scary movies. And they all want me to tell them horror films they have not seen, which makes it hard because I am not a complete psychic who can know the entirety of your film collection just by looking at you. But regardless of all that, I take it as a huge compliment. I take it was people’s way of saying I (at least, somewhat) know what I am talking about, which is always nice to hear. And though we are but a few weeks away from my heralded “Best and Worst Horror Movies of 2013″ list, I thought I would give my REMlins something to tide ya’ll over. Some sick little flicks, available for stream on Netflix, right now. No waiting or wondering. As soon as this article is done, you can go to Netflix and watch any of these, right now. Side note, if or when any of these films are taken off Netflix, please let me know so I can adjust and update the list. Thanks kids!
I know none of you have seen the movie Fun Size. You know how I know this? Because a great many of my readers have rather good taste. And for anyone with even a single atom of common sense, you do everything you can within reason to avoid movies like this. You can tell just by looking at it that it’s one of those movies you will want to punch in the face, and you are 100% correct in assuming that. But what most won’t know from glancing at it is that Fun Size is EASILY one of the most messed up movies I have ever seen. And if my REMlins know anything about me, it is that I have seen MANY messed up movies. What sets Fun Size apart is that it is fucked up for all the wrong reasons, and in ways no normal movie would be. People could very well watch this movie and, if they take it on surface value, just walk away thinking the movie sucked, not even aware of all the creepy-ass, pedophile and incestuous undertones that run through the whole movie. Seriously, this is insane on a whole new level. The problem is, and I know you guys well enough to know this, you are all gonna wanna see after you read this just to see if I am right, and I am, so don’t. Last thing we need is a fucking sequel. Oh wait, we already have one, but you will have to wait until the end of the article to find out what it is. Read on, my friends, but do so with caution. There is some heavy shit ahead.
I love that moment when you finally get old enough that you can look back at your younger self and just laugh at him or her. You laugh at your clothing. You laugh at your music tastes. You laugh at your abilities. You laugh at everything, and I think you especially laugh at the shit that used to scare you. What we once found utterly scarring becomes something we can scoff at with confidence. But if you remember your mindset in those moments when you experienced certain scenes that messed you up, they truly terrified you in the purest sense. On a scope and level which film really cannot reproduce now. Now, we are all jaded and we understand how effects work and that monsters aren’t real, but back when we were kids, and these movie moments happened, as much as they scared us, we never knew that one day, as much as we find the ability to laugh at ourselves for the stupid shit that used to scare us, we also take a moment to mourn that nothing in modern film can quite replicate those childhood moments of pure terror at what’s on-screen. And as much as some of you may laugh at me for these, these are six scenes that, for whatever reason, totally scarred my tender, young mind. Please take to the comments and let me know what movie moments fucked you all up as a kid.
Something happened when I talked about A Serbian Film. People started coming out of the woodwork, telling me they took my article as a sort of ”challenge”, and in almost every case, they wish they hadn’t. They subjected themselves to the movie when I told them they shouldn’t, and it messed with some of them as badly as it messed with me. And the odd thing is, I have no problem recommending dark films to people, but I genuinely, at no point, was recommending anyone see a Serbian Film. Truth is, I was warning most people against it. And though I am not warning people against Dogtooth, I can safely say this movie is not for everyone. While not nearly as intense or fucked up as the aforementioned movie, Dogtooth is still a dark and often perverse ride, and one that never chooses to look away from the horrors it conveys. Decidedly slower than Serbian Film but a great deal more realistic, Dogtooth takes the idea of the family dynamic as you know it forever changes it. And as fucked up as this movie is at times, I found Dogtooth to be a wildly unsettling movie, and a genius movie at that. Relax, I know few have seen the film, so there will be no spoilers in this article. Like I have said before, I don’t want to spoil it, I simply want to make you NEED to see it.
Dads are kinda badass, but often only when they need to be. If they could, they would chill and drink beer and watch TV all the time, but as soon as you fuck with their family, some primal shit kicks in. And nowhere is this trait exemplified quite like Hollywood. Think about it, how many times in real life has one of your friend’s Dads had to pretty much kill an entire third world Country just to ensure the safety of his child? Probably none, unless your life is way more exciting (and slightly more traumatizing) than mine. But if Hollywood is accurate, and we ALL know it is, all your Dads are just one bad day away from becoming a murderous yet heroic savage, willing to do whatever it takes to make sure his family, and maybe as a cool side plot, all the world, is safe. Here are five cinematic Dads who kick so much ass, their shoes stink of it.
Sometimes, with popular fiction, we take whatever mythos that is handed to us, and we take it how they give it to us, without question. We see the protagonist as the protagonist because that is what we are told to do. And we see the antagonist as the antagonist because we are told to. But sometimes, when we get older, we develop different perspectives, and it gives us the chance to look back at something from our youth with a brand new set of eyes, seeing it entirely differently in the process. Now, for your approval, I present to you my reasons why Obi-Wan Kenobi was an obvious sociopath, and pretty much the real antagonist of the Star Wars series. I know this will piss some rabid fans off, so please, atleast read the whole thing before you toss me into that proverbial Sarlac pit in your mind.
If you believe that you are meant to see every movie sober, than you do not understand how film making works. While there are a great many films, most of them, really, that do not need any added incentive in the form of chemicals, there ARE movies you will watch sober than you will take very different things away from if you ever watched under the influence. Drugs, and in some cases, psychedelics, are a huge muse for creative souls, and sometimes drug consumption can cause you to find things in a film that a sober mind would just as easily ignore. Some of the filmmakers of our time are very much aware of this, and for that reason, these six movies are not truly seen how they are meant to be seen until they are seen on drugs(some more than others, obviously). What drug you are on when you see these films is completely up to you, but I can safely say hallucinogens are the key to unlocking a few these films and their deepest of meanings.
I love bad movies. Like, REALLY BAD. I think bad movies are awful, but REALLY bad movies do this weird thing were they transcend the bad and become like art to me. And to really have an impact, it has to be a royal flush of awful. The acting has to suck. There have to continuity errors. The writing has to feel stilted and broken. The sets or locations have to be as ugly as the actors. Like I said, everything needs to stack up for it to transcend how bad it is. And no movie in recent memory has had the impact on me like Miami Connection did, last night, when I finally sat down to watch it. To understand just how bad this movie is, it is SO BAD, I actually thought it might be a modern movie, INTENTIONALLY made to look like this. It is awful, perfected, and you have never seen anything quite like it.
Growing up, the Where The Wild Things Are book by Maurice Sendak was a profound book to me. It spoke to me at a point in my young life when it seemed little could get through, and the message it gave me stuck with me the entirety of my life. You are not alone, even if you are a monster sometimes. And believe me, young me was a bit of a monster. Too much energy, too much creativity, and no idea what to do with that. So the end result was a little ball of electricity, bouncing off the walls. And until Where The Wild Things Are, I felt wholly misunderstood in that role. That is, what I imagine, the book does for many young boys. But what we don’t realize is just how many kids miss out on knowing the majesty of that book, and ultimately, no matter how monstrous they can be at times, miss out on the importance of learning that they are not broken or alone. An example of kids who may miss out on Where The Wild Things Are are special needs kids, who may be ignored or abused by their parents, or who may be children of the state, raised more like numbers than humans. So imagine my excitement when I found out I was going to take five special needs kids to go see the film? And no matter what you think of the film, I can’t imagine any human with a good heart reading this and not being genuinely grateful this movie exists, because that gave it longer arms to reach a whole sect of people who missed it the first time, and needed it more than anyone.
As a medium, film not only possesses the power to move us, but to also shift how we see the world, shift the way we interact with others, and shift the way we live our lives. And no genre of film holds quite as much power over us to do that as documentaries. Rather then tell us a fictional story, a documentary peels back the layers of a true story, and often reveals to us a side of life we have never had an opportunity to take a good, long look at before. The end result of this can often be a profound impact on the viewer, resonating deeply into their daily lives, and the way they live that life. Here are six documentaries that are wildly varied, yet all have the power to change the way you think, be it for better or worse.