I imagine it must be pretty transparent that I like weird shit by this point in our relationship. All you really have to do is check out this site for an hour or two to know I have natural leanings toward the weirder, darker aspects of life. Why is that? Because normal bores me. Normal has been done to death. And really, what is spectacular about normalcy? Nothing. Normal people don’t make history. Normal people don’t burn themselves into your memory. It is the weird shit that stands out, so even if you don’t admit it as openly as I, you love weird shit, too. Seriously, why else would you be here? That out-of-the-way, here are five truly strange moments from movies. Moments so weird, they almost feel like they don’t belong in the movie, yet they are moments you never, ever forget.

PANCAKES From Cabin Fever

Not sure if Dennis is a boy or a girl, but I know one thing: It wants some f*cking pancakes!

Say what you want about Cabin Fever, but it was a fun and twisted introduction to the f*cked up mind of Eli Roth. Love him or hate him, he is a unique voice (that took a HUGE misstep with Hostel 2, but I still have a wee bit of faith in him) and no matter what you think about Cabin Fever, no one, and I mean NO ONE forgets the “PANCAKES” scene. Honestly, I can’t go six months without finding another reason to write an article around it. This little kid jump-kicking for pancakes just seared itself into my brain and never left.

I am pretty sure standing there in shock is a fairly honest and realistic reaction to this scenario.

Truthfully, “Dennis” is a sort of hero to me. His motives are never explained, nor is any more about him/her/it ever revealed than what you see in this scene, but the fucking kid just wanted some pancakes, and if your hand got in the way, too damn bad for your hand. If only we could all be as brave as Dennis.

The Tunnel Trip In The Original Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

The mushroom-infused chocolate bark did not go over well with the kids.

Ah, a sweet kid’s movie about a candy factory this is NOT. This is a morality tale about greed and corruption in children (and their parents) and make no mistakes about it, it is a very dark story. But there were people who did not pick up on that for some reason, so it was decided to put a scene into the original film that would show, ever so slightly, that this place might be a bit more nefarious than it initially appears. That scene, ofcourse, is the tunnel scene. With its craven images and haunting melody sung by the brilliant Gene Wilder, this is the point in the story where it is clear there is no turning back. And for some reason, this scene has always hovers in my mind anytime I think about uneasiness, queasiness or greasiness.

I immediately start sweating every time I hear that melody he sings in this scene.

Most of us wanted to be at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory so bad when we saw the film, but the feeling began to fade quickly at this scene. Maybe we should just stay home and eat a kitkat from the safety of our non-hallucinatory couch.

Eh, what fun is there in that?

The Epic Battle in Anchorman

From the celebrity cameos to the trident-tossing, this is one of the greatest WTF scenes in cinema history.

Anchorman was what I like to call a “perfect storm” film (yes, I overuse that term quite a bit, incase you were considering pointing that out to me in the comments). Every single element tied in perfectly to make it an unforgettable film. Every single character had a distinct personality, and each actor was given equal opportunity to shine (except Champ, because he kind of sucked. WHAMMMY!). But no scene stands as a testimony to the power of a truly amazing WTF scene like the battle scene that no one sees coming, and that escalates REALLY QUICKLY! It is an overly absurd moment in a movie full of them, but it is a scene that is impossible to forget, and impossible NOT to laugh at.

Though it is hard to choose, I would say Tim Robbins as the NPR guy with the fro might be the best cameo here.

Anchorman was also the film responsible for introducing the world to the scene-stealing capabilities of Steve Carell. That man is a gift that keeps on giving.

The Cocks in Fight Club

Sorry, I know I am pretty out-there, but there will be no cock-shots here.

My love for Fight Club knows no boundaries. Hell, the first article that ever went viral on this site was a Fight Club article. And the author of that book, Chuck Palahniuk, is easily my favorite author, blending wit, intelligence, satire, and nihilism in ways that I could only ever dream about. But, there was ONE thing about Fight Club that really threw me off the first time I saw it. All the cocks I kept seeing, but no one else could. That is the kind of thing that could drive a man crazy if he thinks it is only in his head. And that was just another thing that director David Fincher did so brilliantly. You see, I wasn’t cock-crazy. Fincher had hidden a few cock shots in between frames (as a nod to the job that Tyler does splicing porn with kid’s movies) and only the most astute observers would notice this. Apparently, I was one such observer.

Again, sorry. No cock-shots here. Just nods to the other subliminal shots of Tyler in the film.

If you need to, you can look up the proof of this one yourself, I don’t feel like getting flagged by Google. But rest assured, even Fincher confirms this on the DVD commentary.

Crysturbation Scene in Mulholland Drive

 

If you have not seen the scene, be prepared to be aroused, offended, scared, and confused, all at once.

I know that picking a WTF moment from a David Lynch film is sort of a silly idea (every moment of every David Lynch film is one, long, mindfuck without lube) but the scene in Mulholland Drive where Naomi Watts is FURIOUSLY masturbating and crying her eyes out at the same time may just go down in history as the most WTF scene I have ever scene. Why? Because what Lynch and Watts does with the scene is unreal. They make it sensual and repulsive,  fucked up and tragic, all at once. You watch it, not sure what to feel, other than pure pity in the pit of your stomach for this beautiful, broken angel.

I also feel like this scene was the single scene that changed how I view actors and actresses. I have never seen a celebrity go to a place quite the raw before I saw Watts in this film, and I never forgot it. This clip is NSFW, and I apologize for the quality, but had to take a shitty version of Youtube. If you’re wondering why I won’t put cock shots, but will put videos of woman crying while masturbating, then apparently we’ve never met.

This scene is also the scene that gave birth to the term “crysturbating” in my world. I word I have used far too often, to be honest.

I almost went with the “Natalie Portman masturbates furiously with her Mom in the room” scene from Black Swan, but Watts’ scene is a bit more intense, and deserved the spot here.

Wow, this list came down to a masturbatory toss-up between big name actresses. And to think, some say I am wasting my life.