There was a time, right around 2008-2009, where Timbaland could do no wrong in the music industry’s eyes, “Bring Timbaland In!” was the general thought at the time. Timbaland had produced Justin Timberlake’s breakthrough FutureSex/LoveSounds album, which was a massive success at the time. And Timb (as I will refer to him for the rest of the article because I’m lazy) also had his own album, Shock Value, doing really well, too. The thing is, certain artists are not meant to work together, for various reasons. These are two such artists. Because, though good solo, when they get together, it is overwhelming just how much suck happens.

I realize this is old news, but to me, it’s not. So I ask you, is it really? I mean, if I don’t know about this, someone else mustn’t, correct? Anyway, to truly appreciate how near and dear this all is to my heart, you need to understand my deep appreciation for Chris Cornell. I think Soundgarden are an essential and important part of the evolution of the grunge sound in the nineties. And Chris Cornell’s vocals are a force of nature. The man can sing, scream, and find a perfect balance of both, somehow.

Honestly, I really do think of the first Chris Cornell solo album, Euphoria Morning, as one of my favorite albums ever made. It is as much The Beatles and The Stones as it is Soundgarden. To fully understand just how eclectic and amazing the sound on the album was, i will now include my favorite track from the album. And do not confuse the chorus of this song with the name of a film that came out recently. That movie stole that hook from the song, and I am pretty sure the movie sucked.

The song, on the other hand, is amazing.

And don’t even get me started on how devilishly handsome he is. I mean, I love girls.

So you see that, and you click all the links to his amazing music, and you think to yourself: He would sound good singing to anything. Yeah, I thought so, too. Then a good friend sent this to me. And I ignored it. And she sent it again. And I ignored it. And finally she bumped into me and said: You’re an asshole. So I went home and watched the video to see why I was an asshole. And indeed, the teaming of Timb and Cornell ended up being SO BAD, that I should have known about it before. She was right. I was an asshole.

Don’t believe me about how bad it is? Watch this video that was the first single Chris Cornell dropped off his third album, Scream, obviously produced by Timb.

It is so bad once the chorus kicks in “That B*tch aint a part of me” that even Method Man can’t save this video by the third act.

Now I can see what Timbaland was thinking. He realized this guy was cool, good looking, and an absolutely amazing vocalist, so he tried to find a way to work all three of those angles, much like he did with Justin Timberlake just a year earlier. But Chris Cornell already had his fan base, and that fan base was made incredibly uncomfortable by this album, which was panned by critics, too.

Beauty and the Beat. Get it? HAHAHA.

I by no means hate Timbaland, and I by no means hate what he was trying to do here. And an interesting side note: Timb and Cornell have both said, on different occasions, that this is the thing they are most proud of. So in terms of personal goals, they both love it and musically, as artists, I am sure it matters little what we think. But seriously, did they watch that video and listen to that song before they released it? How can two great flavors end up tasting so horrible together.

Well, I love cheese. And I love ice cream,, but that doesn’t mean I want cheese flavored ice cream.

And ofcourse it exists.