I was totally sitting down to write an article about suicide. About how, without a doubt, someone you love, at some point in your life, is going to kill themselves. I was going to tell you how there is LITERALLY nothing you could do to change that, and to just steady yourself for it a bit makes the impact less world-shattering. I was prepared to fill you in on statistics, and let you know that thirty-eight percent of all car accidents are actually suicide attempts. But then I remembered that I asked you if you could kill a kid yesterday. You can’t follow-up a “Could you kill a child” article with a “someone you love will inevitably kill themselves” article, because that is just too heavy. So I decided, last-minute, to make this an article full of cute ass puppies, lest someone call me and ask if I need a hug. Which, by the way, I do. Honestly, you gotta give the masses a moment to “squee” now and then, lest you lose them to the darkness.

Aw, look at this cute ass puppy, having nightmares and shit.

I just want to pick him up and snuggle him for infinity. I am talking about the weird doll, by the way.

Or this dog, who is using ALL HIS RESTRAINT to not eat this cupcakes and upset his master, yet, look at the longing and pain in his gaze…

I am pretty sure this falls under the category of animal torture.

Or what about Boo?

Everyone loves Boo, right?

This dog is so cute I can’t even be sure it’s not a Muppet.

Or how about this photo? I named it “Nerd dog is not amused”.

Super cute, right?

Don’t be fooled, it is not a dog. It is Elijah Wood.

Or maybe even this pic of a hot dog, being a hawt dawg!

I bet he tastes like innocence and purity.

Or what about this dog, who sleepwalks into a wall? AWWWWWWW, that’s so SQUEE!

Aw look, it’s doing its best impression of a drunk person!

And don’t even get me started on these videos about dogs who get reunited with their soldier owners. Those make me weep like a small child.

If this doesn’t hit some emotional trigger in you, you are soulless freak who can probably only be killed with silver bullets or fire.

You see, watching puppies be cute is like reaching in and hugging your own heart. It truly provides the soul with some much-needed peace and joy, in this constantly crazy world of ours.

Like this video of this girl being beaten into submission for the sake of Religion. Oh wait….

” Mom, this puppy you got me just isn’t responding to the way I play.”

Oh wait, that’s not a puppy.

Man, this is why I stick to the dark stuff. Even when I post puppy videos, it ends up being footage from the movie Martyrs. I should have just stuck with the suicide article, huh? Well, in essence, I did.

You see, the shocking final video on this page is meant to act as the proverbial suicide, and the puppy videos that surround it are actually symbolic of the daily, naive bliss you are living in. As jarring and as shocking as that Martyrs video is after seeing all that cute stuff is exactly how suicide will happen when it happens in your world. It hits when you least expect it, and stands it bitter opposition to everything else you know. When you can’t handle it and when you don’t see it coming, is when it will strike. And no matter what you do, your heart is not braced for it. That is my point. The point of all this. Puppies and suicide.

Sorry, I deal in misery, people. It is all I know.

Well, one more for the road, I guess. How you view it is up to you:

I can’t tell if it’s sleeping or dead, but either way, it’s adorable, and a fitting way to end this piece.