Flashback about seven years. I am working my old job at the laser tag arena (yes, seriously) and I am just standing around, minding my own business, most likely high off my ass. Suddenly and out of the blue, a cute (but rather young) girl runs over and grabs my black gel bracelet I am wearing, and tears it off, my wrist, while looking me in the eyes and grinning. I, being irrational and having no clue about much of anything, look down at my bracelet, now ripped in two in her hand, and I say: WHAT THE FUCK?! She looks terrified, and runs off down the hall, and out the exit. My friend Sara, who was working that day, too, walks over and proceeds to tell me that girl wanted to fuck me, and ripping off my black bracelet was her way of telling me that. I sat there, dumbfounded. Now I was never one to shy away from some sex, especially on the off-chance it happens THAT easily, but in the same breath, the girl was obviously younger than me, and as lazy as I am, you must be THIS TALL to ride this ride, if you know what I mean. But it hit me a minute later how extremely messed up this bracelet thing is. So gone is the need for young people to even say anything, now they can just break each others things as a sort of next level “grunting” until sex happens? Jesus Christ, what is wrong with the young generation? What pay off is there in that, anyway? Also, everyone is disgusting, and this shit needs to stop. I know I sound old, but in the same breath, I would rather sound old than sound like this current generation of teens who indiscriminately want to fuck like rabbits. Yes, sex is fun. But when sex boils down to breaking a bracelet, something is wrong with this world.
First off, why did I, as a grown man, have a black gel bracelet on?
Easy. I grew up in the late eighties and early nineties. Believe it or not, back then those things were fucking huge. People would stack them shits on their arms just because. I am not saying it is cool, but it WAS cool. So back then, I simply had one on for nostalgia purposes, which is why I do a great deal of what I do. Little did I know, since the last time I had worn them, their meaning had shifted entirely. Where once they were worn to match jackets and shoes, now, they are used in the place of dialogue if one desires sex. The black ones are straight missionary sex. The blue ones are blow jobs, and on and on. It is all very hyper-sexual, and in a weird way, unsettling. Have kids gotten that retarded that they can’t even use their words anymore? I realize AIDS is less of a worry now than it has ever been since its inception, but maybe these little fuckers need some AIDS to keep them in line, like it did us in the 90′s. Wow, that is the most fucked up thing I ever wrote. And yes, I am definitely leaving it in there.
The glaring thing you need to know about the bracelet rip experience I had was the MAJOR age difference between the girl and myself. Though I can admit, I look a bit younger than my age (which a true lady never discloses), there had to be atleast ten years between me and the young girl ripping my bracelet. Did she understand that the ripping of the bracelet was symbolic of what I would have unintentionally done to her insides had I actually been piggish enough to follow through with her unspoken request? Listen, not trying to make myself sound like an animal or anything (I am pretty mild in my old age, actually) but that poor girl would have had NO CLUE what she was signing up for, in the least bit. I was, after all, a COMPLETE stranger. A man she knew NOTHING about. Yet, in my demeanor, she had concluded she wanted me to put my penis inside of her. That is fucking insane to me. Listen, being attracted to someone on a physical level is fine, I get it. I am human and feel that shit from time to time, too. And even having the odd occasion when you act solely on that attraction can be okay, but when seventeen year old girls are walking up to grown men they don’t know and letting those grown men know, without question, that they are down to fuck, that is just NOT okay, nor is it safe. I would’ve eaten that girl alive, and she would have never seen it coming. Poor, stupid, self hating child. Do you want your daughters and sons to grow up that way? Obviously, not enough parents care, or this wouldn’t exist on the widespread level it does. Yeah, you want to turn a blind eye and pretend it doesn’t exist, but you find your daughter s*cking some older dude off in her room, and you find out she just ripped off his bracelet, and THEN see how you feel about it.
Thing is, I am not an animal.When my generation wanted to fuck in high school, we did this thing called “talking”. Often time, the talking, when it worked, would lead to more talking, which would lead to hanging out, which would lead to sex. See, there were STEPS. But even in the middle of that sex we had this odd feeling of comfort knowing that, at least if this sex sucks, we know we can talk and kinda get along, because we have actually spoken to each other. What happens when you pull a bracelet off, and in the middle of the act you realize this person smells and is terrible at sex, and also, they are weeping openly? What then? Do you glue the bracelet back on and sneak out in the middle? Are there snap versions that you can re-attach mid-fuck? No, you can’t do that. Do you know why? Sex is not a fucking game. Have it all you want, with whomever you want, but when sex in our society for teens boils down to tearing a colored, plastic bracelet off someone’s wrist, then we need to REALLY reassess where this cesspool of a world is heading. Even straight up telling someone you are attracted to them and want to sleep with them has more honesty and dignity than ripping off a gel bracelet.
And please do not mistake any of this as “slut shaming”. I say sluts can do their thing. The only reason my story has a girl in it is because it was a girl who chose to tear my bracelet. I am not shaming her, as I am solely shaming the stupidity of the act itself, which is both dangerous and wholly retarded. The actual act of ripping bracelet itself is so fiendishly childish, it had to have come from the mind of a young boy, so again, not slut shaming. Generation shaming. There is a key difference. Sluts are part of the circle of life, and I can totes respect and appreciate that.
*Holds up slut baby over pride rock like this is The Lion King.
Now truth be told, I don’t know how prevalent ”sex bracelets” really are anymore in young society, or if people still use them, but for one moment in my life, I know for a fact they did, because some stupid little girl broke one of my bracelets, almost making the worst fucking decision of her life. Good thing I am not a scumbag.
Most of the time.