This is, literally, the worst news I have EVER gotten about a movie. I would say that when it comes to film, I am a fan of many films in many genres. But, when it comes to the movies I am a “fan boy” for, there are only a handful. First Lost Boys. Original Dawn of the Dead. E.T. Fight Club. And of course, Goonies. I try to never say die just out of respect for that film. As much as there have been sequel talks for this film for decades now, I think we all knew, deep down inside, it just couldn’t happen. Maybe if they made it within five years of the original, they could have pulled it off. But what they would do now, conceptually, would suck. We live in a very different time then the first film, and we need to just realize Goonies was a perfect 80′s time capsule to a much better time, and we need to just leave it alone. Of course, that is not what is happening, as director of the original, Richard Donner, recently admitted that Goonies 2 is actually happening. I will now proceed to tell you why that is the worst idea I have ever heard, and why there is no way it could possibly do anything but rape our childhoods, and we all know, Goonies NEVER say rape.