Let me start this by saying I am not a conspiracy theorist, nor am I am survivalist. I don’t fuck around with guns, and I keep my water stored one gallon at a time. BUT, I am also pretty confident that I can lean into the wind and tell you when I smell shit coming. And right now, I smell shit coming. So in thinking that, this was written. Relax people who think I am implying you will all be gang raped tomorrow by droogs. Such is not the case. BUT, it is still good to know your role when the shit hits the fan. Think of this piece as how-to assess your survival rate once said shit actually shows up. Okay, we ready? Let’s just all admit to ourselves that the end of the world is rolling towards us right now like a giant ball of feces some drunken dung beetle started rolling years ago but slowly lost track of. We can all admit we don’t WANT the apocalypse to come, and we can all that do “yeah, but 500 years from NOW” that so many of us like to spout out make ourselves feel better. But come on, California is running out of water and an extinction level event has officially been announced. Yes, we are dying. Earth justifiably hates us for raping it for years. But there is something anyone who watches TV or reads books knows. Before the end times comes the REALLY NASTY TIMES. That small widow when dudes are robbing and raping and pillaging. Like modern viking times, only with way less emphasis on the actual viking. So what is your role in the apocalypse? I know it sounds insane, but wherever you live, most likely pockets of survivors will group off, and if you have no worth, safe to say the cannibals will be eating your grilled ass meat first. This wont be the last time I say this to you: do not be that guy (or girl)!
As the fabled last unicorn, the powers that be should have known they could not hold me back. Big shout out to my webmaster Brent Wilson for working like a slave for a couple of weeks straight on this shit. I may have pissed off some powerful people, and they may have stifled me for a week or so, but they haven’t seen anything yet. I just found my voice, people, and I sure as shit am not gonna stop using it now.
Two weeks ago I popped over on my Facebook page to ask my REMlins to share all the weird music videos they know. I told them if they shared one that I had never seen, I would share it here and give it them a shout-out. Next day I check the thread and literally, 90% of what these beautiful creatures shared were videos I had never seen or never heard of. Some were videos from a REMlin’s youth that just stuck with them for how weird it was. In other cases, these were just videos REMlins found late one night going too deep down the YouTube rabbit hole. But honestly, I can assure you the following list will be unlike any other list of music videos you have ever seen. I swear, my face melted off at least three times while peeping some of these. Though I know little about each one, I will tell you who posted it to my wall (via their Facebook name) and what I felt when I first watched it.
If you have any drugs, I recommend eating them right now (as it seems a great deal of these videos were made for just such an occasion).
Netflix is the love of my life. While some of you who love humans may think this sad (which I can concur it very much is) allow me to attempt to rationalize my thinking behind this. Netflix is genderless so our love knows no societal rules. Netflix curls up on the couch with me every night. Netflix NEVER bitches about my choices (though sometimes very delicately uses its rating system to warn me against utter shite). Netflix has no issue if I shove slices of burnt bacon and chunks of uncooked cookie dough into my maw while I hang out with her/him/it. It cares little when I wear sweatpants, and never passive aggressively hints that I did something wrong. Finally, Netflix will never break my heart. It will never walk away, nor do I have to risk walking into my bedroom and someone else “on her”, as only I have my Netflix password. Yes, you may have her in your own ways, but she always comes back to me. It is this knowledge of my love that YOU all benefit from. I watch all she has to offer me, then tell you all what is best. Damn, I am making her a better lover to the rest of you. I may need to rethink this. Well, for now, while we are still in an open relationship, here are 5 movies you NEED to watch on Netflix, right the f*ck now.
Most of us can attest to the fact that we have two voices in our head. The rational, normal voice, and the voice that talks shit and keeps us up at night. Most of us figure out that those voices are our conscience and learn to live with it over time. We learn to balance out the good we do with the bad of our id and subconscious. But can you fathom for one second if the voice in your head was not your own, but rather, someone else’s? And what if that voice only told you the worst things? What if that voice only spoke of the most vile and venomous? Can you imagine the hell that would be? Well, it gets worse. Now imagine if that voice in your head was attached to a face growing out of it. A face whose lips moves and eyes rolled, but only YOU could hear the awful things it thinks?
Welcome to twisted life and death of Edward Mordake.