As the fabled last unicorn, the powers that be should have known they could not hold me back. Big shout out to my webmaster Brent Wilson for working like a slave for a couple of weeks straight on this shit. I may have pissed off some powerful people, and they may have stifled me for a week or so, but they haven’t seen anything yet. I just found my voice, people, and I sure as shit am not gonna stop using it now.
Two weeks ago I popped over on my Facebook page to ask my REMlins to share all the weird music videos they know. I told them if they shared one that I had never seen, I would share it here and give it them a shout-out. Next day I check the thread and literally, 90% of what these beautiful creatures shared were videos I had never seen or never heard of. Some were videos from a REMlin’s youth that just stuck with them for how weird it was. In other cases, these were just videos REMlins found late one night going too deep down the YouTube rabbit hole. But honestly, I can assure you the following list will be unlike any other list of music videos you have ever seen. I swear, my face melted off at least three times while peeping some of these. Though I know little about each one, I will tell you who posted it to my wall (via their Facebook name) and what I felt when I first watched it.
If you have any drugs, I recommend eating them right now (as it seems a great deal of these videos were made for just such an occasion).
Netflix is the love of my life. While some of you who love humans may think this sad (which I can concur it very much is) allow me to attempt to rationalize my thinking behind this. Netflix is genderless so our love knows no societal rules. Netflix curls up on the couch with me every night. Netflix NEVER bitches about my choices (though sometimes very delicately uses its rating system to warn me against utter shite). Netflix has no issue if I shove slices of burnt bacon and chunks of uncooked cookie dough into my maw while I hang out with her/him/it. It cares little when I wear sweatpants, and never passive aggressively hints that I did something wrong. Finally, Netflix will never break my heart. It will never walk away, nor do I have to risk walking into my bedroom and someone else “on her”, as only I have my Netflix password. Yes, you may have her in your own ways, but she always comes back to me. It is this knowledge of my love that YOU all benefit from. I watch all she has to offer me, then tell you all what is best. Damn, I am making her a better lover to the rest of you. I may need to rethink this. Well, for now, while we are still in an open relationship, here are 5 movies you NEED to watch on Netflix, right the f*ck now.
Most of us can attest to the fact that we have two voices in our head. The rational, normal voice, and the voice that talks shit and keeps us up at night. Most of us figure out that those voices are our conscience and learn to live with it over time. We learn to balance out the good we do with the bad of our id and subconscious. But can you fathom for one second if the voice in your head was not your own, but rather, someone else’s? And what if that voice only told you the worst things? What if that voice only spoke of the most vile and venomous? Can you imagine the hell that would be? Well, it gets worse. Now imagine if that voice in your head was attached to a face growing out of it. A face whose lips moves and eyes rolled, but only YOU could hear the awful things it thinks?
Welcome to twisted life and death of Edward Mordake.
Dear Courtney Love,
I know what you did last summer.
Well, not last summer, but a while back. A great many of us do, to be honest. We chose to ignore the obvious for a while because it felt more romantic this way. The suicidal rock star retreats to his home in Pacific Northwest at the height of his fame and shuns it all by blowing his brains out. Even right down to his age of 27, it all felt very rock n’ roll, so we just rolled with. Didn’t hurt that the last song he recorded was called I Hate Myself and Want To Die. Thing is, you don’t have to pull the trigger to be the cause of someone’s death, Love. You can slowly break them with your words and actions, and drive them to it. That is no different then putting the gun in his mouth and pulling the trigger yourself. Same end result. A man is dead because of you.
And guess what? More and more people are slowly becoming aware of this. I hope you can sense those shadows looming in around you right now. They’re coming for you, Courtney Love. You can only keep the shadows and demons at bay for so long. Time to clean out your closet and it’s safe to assume we’re about to find a gaggle of skeletons, all donned in flannel.