Is Grand Theft Auto 5 perfect?
Yes it is.
There are always casualties in war. That is just how war works. But it seems, all too often, the casualties are the ones not fighting. The innocent ones who chose to stay along the sidelines and not involve themselves. You can launch a mortar shell at your enemies, but that doesn’t mean you won’t hit the baby stroller in between you and them. And that is what too many people in Gotham City have felt like for far too long. The baby stroller sitting precariously between Batman and the Joker as they wage their war. normal people, hiding inside their own homes, afraid to go out, to bring their children to the park or for a walk out of fear some madman in a costume will want to use them as an example. It starts boiling, you know? Under the surface. First you see the steam, then you hear the whistling of the kettle, but by the time you reach it, it has already boiled over. It was that humid Summer night in Gotham city when it all finally boiled over, and one man used one single bullet to end a war that, up to this point, had too many casualties to count. This is the story of the man who killed the Joker.
In keeping with my long line of alliteration articles about sex (silly sex here) and (sick sex here), I decided I should write an article about sex scenes that are ACTUALLY sexy. It is almost easier to stand on the sidelines and point at the sex scenes that stand out for being odd or different, but there is something undeniably vulnerable about sitting and sharing sex scenes that you actually find arousing. It is like letting you all in, a little bit deeper, one thrust at a time. See what I mean? I am feeling vulnerable already, so I am taking away the power of sex by joking about it and undermining it. I am doing that as a human, but I need to realize that, as a writer, that is counter-productive to what I am trying to achieve with the article, so I should UP the sexy right now to get you all in the mood for the piece.
*Puts on some Barry White music and points at his bulge
That is, literally, all I can do. Sorry if it not working for you. But you know what MIGHT work for you? These scenes.
Can you, even for a moment, imagine what it would be like to hang out with one of the members of the Wu-Tang Clan? Each member is unique and badass for different reasons. And more than just hanging out with them, can you imagine what it would be like to light up with a member of the Wu-Tang? Last time I waxed philosophical about what it would be like to hang out and get stoned with one of the modern rock greats, so this time, my mind naturally went to one of the hip hop greats. And as much as I would love to blaze with Jay-Z or Kanye, truth is, in my honest opinion, RZA is on a whole different level and planet than most, and I mean that as a compliment. Some see him as just a rapper or writer, but the truth is, RZA is a whole lot more than that. Dude is a living legend, and though I know most would pick Method Man if they could smoke with one member of Wu-Tang (or if they had a time machine, ODB), I pick RZA, aka Prince Rakeem, aka The Abbot, aka Bobby Digital, aka Prince Delight, aka Ruler Zig-Zag-Zig-Allah. Why? Because he is one of the greatest modern artists alive right now. Hip Hop’ true Renaissance man.
I know a great many of my readers turn to me for horror recommendations. It has sort of become my go-to thing. More than the Disney trip from hell, or the guy who killed a guy and then came to work, people ask me about scary movies. And they all want me to tell them horror films they have not seen, which makes it hard because I am not a complete psychic who can know the entirety of your film collection just by looking at you. But regardless of all that, I take it as a huge compliment. I take it was people’s way of saying I (at least, somewhat) know what I am talking about, which is always nice to hear. And though we are but a few weeks away from my heralded “Best and Worst Horror Movies of 2013″ list, I thought I would give my REMlins something to tide ya’ll over. Some sick little flicks, available for stream on Netflix, right now. No waiting or wondering. As soon as this article is done, you can go to Netflix and watch any of these, right now. Side note, if or when any of these films are taken off Netflix, please let me know so I can adjust and update the list. Thanks kids!