This article is going to seem strange for about a minute, so hear me out. We all know that one person whose life has been tough, constantly beating them down. We can all pretend life is average and everybody gets equal amounts of shit, but that is not even remotely true. Some people just have it worse than others. So it goes. The reason I bring this up is because you know why you know that person struggles? Because they are still here. Because they are strong enough to get back up, every time. Maybe that person is a relative or friend. Maybe that person is someone you work with. Maybe that person is your partner. Maybe that person is you. I just wanted to take a second to tell all of them, and you, that I am proud of you. Sometimes we don’t say or hear that nearly enough.
The lovely Miss Pollyanna Posing as Elizabeth Taylor (in Christopher Kane) for Scottsman Magazine.
As you may might remember, I interviewed Pollyanna McIntosh once before, not long after this very site had launched. I am a huge fan of her work (especially in the movie The Woman) and I just wanted to tap the brain of the actress who helped bring that unforgettable character to life. Since then, Pollyanna’s career has only climbed higher and burnt brighter. She was in one of the best movies of the year so far (Filth) and is about to be in two horror films coming out. White Settlers, as well as the one I got a chance to talk to her about here, Let Us Prey, co-starring Game of Thrones Liam Cunningham. The movie looks brutal, which of course, has my attention. This talented woman was kind enough to humor another batch of my silly questions about everything from what it is like to play the “final girl” so often, to what she thinks of woman’s roles in modern cinema (and what she hopes to do to change that in the future).
I just wanted to take a quick moment to wish everyone a happy and safe July 4th. Last thing we need is a repeat of last year, right? With Uncle Phil falling into the grill again, and Aunt Sally getting wasted and trying to argue the merits of pubic hair with the whole family. Man, none of that. But I do hope you all realize what this great day is about. It is about every other holiday we have in Summer. It is about getting drunk outside and eating grilled food until you can’t stand your friends or relatives anymore. It is about wearing patriotic colors around people who also agreed to wear patriotic colors. It is about your freedom someone else earned for you through unnecessary blood shed so you can act like a complete asshole to everyone you know, regardless of consequence. It is about embracing the very roots of freedom and expelling them from the bare Earth with your naked hands, whilst screaming MURICA as loud as you can over Skynyrd songs. Oh, and don’t forget them fancy-ass fireworks. What would the fourth be without jarring explosions? Yay, America!
We REMlins have very distinct taste when it comes to the movies we like. When I was thinking up what to name this article, I realized there is no need to sugar coat it. We like f*cked up movies. We like movies that lumber around inside our brains for weeks after we see them, making us uneasy and uncomfortable. We like movies that show us that our own lives are pretty tame, even though we think they are as f*cked up as it gets. We like movies that rape certain parts of our brain we are not normally allowed to even use. I am sure some of you have noticed I have been doing a lot of Netflix lists lately, and there is a pretty solid reason for that. Straight up, most people have it. I have told you about documentaries on Netflix and have told you about horror movies on Netflix. I thought it would be a good time to go for a vein and tell you about the really f*cked up movies on Netflix, right now. From guts to sex, these are the flicks I am actually shocked ended up on the provider (but I’m kinda glad they did cuz I am f*cked up, too).
I will start this off by saying that this article was meant for Vice. It really was. Everything from the subject matter to the narcissism involved with writing such a piece screams of that periodical. If life allowed me more time to pitch it properly, perhaps you would be reading it there. My words will be in print there some day, as that is a huge goal of mine. For now, this piece which I held back on writing for so long will be here, with my REMlins. The main reason I held back on telling this story for so long (even though it is insane and everything I want this site to be) was not because I am embarrassed about it (trust me, by the end of this piece you will see my black dick as the badge of honor it truly was), but because I had someone in my life whom I thought it might embarrass or hurt. But, seeing as how that person has vacated the premises with little warning, I can totally f*cking tell it now (though this all reminded me I should have anyway. Not telling it may have been the “gentleman” thing to do at the time, but overall, it was a bitch move on my part). Okay, so all that out-of-the-way, this is the story about the time my dick turned black and I was pretty sure I had some kind of penis plague that would wipe out mankind. Relax, the true twist ending means you ladies have nothing to worry about. Wink wink. Yes, I just winked at you after telling you my penis turned black at one point in my life. How insane is that? I feel comfortable with that wink, though. This is some epic shit, worthy of a wink.