Six More Horror Movies You Need to Watch On Netflix Right Now (as of 9/5/13)
I know a great many of my readers turn to me for horror recommendations. It has sort of become my go-to thing. More than the Disney trip from hell, or the guy who killed a guy and then came to work, people ask me about scary movies. And they all want me to tell them horror films they have not seen, which makes it hard because I am not a complete psychic who can know the entirety of your film collection just by looking at you. But regardless of all that, I take it as a huge compliment. I take it was people’s way of saying I (at least, somewhat) know what I am talking about, which is always nice to hear. And though we are but a few weeks away from my heralded “Best and Worst Horror Movies of 2013″ list, I thought I would give my REMlins something to tide ya’ll over. Some sick little flicks, available for stream on Netflix, right now. No waiting or wondering. As soon as this article is done, you can go to Netflix and watch any of these, right now. Side note, if or when any of these films are taken off Netflix, please let me know so I can adjust and update the list. Thanks kids!
I realize a great many of you have already seen the cult hit, Slither, from 2006. But if there are even a handful of people out there who haven’t, you owe it to yourself to watch this insane, genre-mixing film. Part black comedy, part gore horror, part send up and satire of 50′s horror, Slither is the kind of movie that makes 90 minutes fly by and feel like 15. Also, it was directed by James Gunn. You know, the same guy who is doing the Guardians of the Galaxy movie right now, with Bradley Cooper as a fucking talking space raccoon.
Yes, really. So before that movie comes out and fucks people’s brains in the best way possible, you should see Slither and PRAY we get one tenth of this insanity for the Guardians movie. It is also nice to get some fun, silly horror among all the dark, twisted stuff, and fun is just what Slither is. Don’t get me wrong, though. It is REALLY dark and twisted, too.
The Shrine is low-budget, make no mistakes about it. But The Shrine has a REALLY cool twist that stacks it up among some real high-tier horror. The Shrine is about a group a journalist who catch wind that there are some villagers going missing all around this one Polish village, and she and her friends go to check it out and see if they can figure out what is causing these people to disappear. Eventually, a strange fog surrounds them, they get lost in the woods, and they find a rather creepy shrine, in the dead center of the forest. This is when things start going badly for the group, and it kind of never lets up.
For me to tell you any more than that will take away from what makes the film work, so I will simply tell you that this a movie well worth your 90 minutes, and even if it seems dull and drawn out at times, hang out for that ending, because it is brilliant, even if the rest of the movie is not quite up the endings standards. But really, the ending is so good, it will make you look at the whole movie differently.
Give it a shot. It might just surprise you.
How To Be A Serial Killer
I stumbled on this movie late one night while I was surfing Netflix, and had never heard a thing about it, but I liked the title and thought I would give it a shot, and was pleasantly surprised by it. Imagine if the show Dexter was a little more quirky, and a little less drawn-out, and you have the basic concept of How To Be A Serial Killer. A movie that gives away its whole premise in the name. And as much as I sat down to watch this film expecting myself to hate it, I didn’t. It was part Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, and it was part Man Bites Dog, two horror films I absolutely love. If you need me to explain this movie I can, but I think it speaks for itself. It’s The Office, if The Office was run by Michael Myers.
The gist of the film is that a serial killer decides to take a mentor from a local video store and teach him the ways of mass murder. And of course, as with any horror film, there are twists and turns aplenty, and it plays out in a way where the most astute of you may see the ending coming, but it doesn’t make any less memorable. I am kind of shocked this movie is not more popular, to be honest. And this entry and the next entry are both surprisingly whimsical movies at times.
Yes, I said whimsical.
The Haunted World of El SuperBeasto
A cartoon by Rob Zombie animated in 1940′s cartoon style, about a director who is a former mariachi wrestler who lives in Monsterland. Oh, and somehow Hitler is involved, and there is a stripper and a robot, and tons of cartoon boobies.
The shocking part is, it is not nearly as annoying or dumb as it sounds. And in some inexplicable way, it is actually REALLY enjoyable.
Yes, this one is a zany mindfuck, but never has a movie had MORE potential to become a cult hit as The Haunted World of EL Superbeasto does. Boobs, gore, humor, monsters, rock n roll music, and gratuitous violence. On top of that, just a few of the actors he has doing voices shows just how seriously awesome this film is. I only need to drop two names. My lovely ex, Rosario Dawson, and the uber-talented Paul Giamatti. That level of talent speaks volumes. In this case, literally. Easily the sickest cartoon you will ever see, and a horror movie unlike any other, check out this Rob Zombie flick, ASAP.
And smoke some weed before you watch it. Because why?
Just look at it, Jesus. This movie is just begging you to watch it stoned. And it seems like only a matter of time before someone complains to Netflix about tits and Hitler in an animated movie, side by side, so watch it now while you still can.
Citadel caught me off guard when I watched it on Netflix. A movie that had no hype and came out of nowhere, yet was really chilling and well put together. I will say that you do need to suspend disbelief a little bit with this one, but once you get sucked into this world, it is very believable.
What I really like about Citadel, and what I feel it does better than most other movies of similar ilk is, Citadel takes subconscious fears and makes them into real things. Don’t worry, I will explain more the more I explain (wow, redundant much). The film starts with our main character, Tommy, in an elevator in the bleak, barren, broken down old apartment complex where he lives with his pregnant girlfriend, Joanne. We see the elevator doors shut with Tommy inside, but shutting before his lady to get to the door. And as he is trying to get the door open to let her in, a gang of hooded teens show up and they stab her and (gasp) stick a dirty needle into her pregnant belly. Joanne is near death by the time Tommy can get to her, and by the time she gets to the hospital, she falls into a deep coma. She manages to give birth to a healthy baby girl (somehow) and now Tommy is forced to face to try to raise this baby alone and keep it safe, all while suffering crippling agoraphobia since the accident.
But guess what? Those feral kids never wanted his wife in the first place. They wanted the baby. And they come back, forcing Tommy’s hand as he must befriend a priest and a blind child to ensure that these evil, feral children are stopped, once and for all. And in case you couldn’t tell, in this film, the feral children represent the irrational fears we have inside all of us that hold us back. Definitely way creepier and better than I expected, Citadel is a short ride, but a fun one.
Well, pregnant woman with syringes in their stomachs isn’t so much “fun”, but you know what I mean.
I am a huge David Cronenberg fan, a huge Netlix fan, and a huge horror fan, so Antiviral is perfect for me (well, it may be more sci-fi then straight horror, but cut me some slack). You do know the work of David Cronenberg, right? Master of “body horror” (Videodrome, The Fly, Dead Ringers, Dead Zone, Crash, Naked Lunch). Well, when I heard his son had made a thriller that also dealt with the body and the way we use and misuse this temple, I had to see it for myself. Directed by David’s son, Brandon Cronenberg, Antiviral deals with something that we all see and experience, yet few people really talk about. The obsession with celebrity in our culture as if they were Gods. And honestly, antiviral gets it right.
In Antiviral, we follow Syd March who works for The Lucas Clinic. A company that purchases viruses and other unknown pathogens from celebrities who fall ill, and then sells them to the regular joe’s who are obsessed with said celebrity, so they can inject the disease and feel closer to the celebrity they adore. It is insanely high concept, and it is even smarter than it sounds. You need to pay close attention to all the twists and turns in this film, or you will be left scratching your head, wondering what’s going on. But if you stick with it, you will see that this is one of the most sharply written satires of our reality obsessed society since the movie Network, and a film you are not likely to forget anytime soon.
Alright, enough jibba jabba, go watch those now.