Excuse me, kids, but why the fuck do you all have shorts on in Winter?
Christmas is a magical time of year, when we shuffle around, from store to store, spending our hard-earned money on people who realistically won’t like what we get them anyway. When we are not driving onto curbs to avoid “holiday lunatics”, or fighting our way through a store to get someone the “next big thing”, we all do our best to rekindle our innocence by watching the same holiday specials, over and over again, every year. We say we do it because we love them. But that is not why we do it. We watch them on the off-chance they will rekindle our faith in humanity, or perhaps give us back some of that innocence and purity we had in us when we first saw them as a child. The word is nostalgia, and at no time is that feeling more in the air than at Christmas time. But as you get older, and more and more of you dies inside, you begin to notice things in these specials you never noticed before. The following things I learned in horror last week, watching Frosty again, only this time through different eyes. Bitter, jaded eyes. Prepare to have your mind blown. Or to laugh at me. It will definitely be one or the other and no in-betweens.