As I sit here, reflecting on my four-hundredth article, I cannot help but look back and be a shocked at how much I have covered, and shocked at how much talking about it will make me sound like a douche. Almost every writer I know who writes successfully (?) and sees their work go into print, seem to focus on one subject. My friend Skippy for example used to only write plot outlines for snuff films. And while it can be said I focus more on cinema than anything else, if you really went back through all the sites and all the articles, you would see that sticking me into one category just wouldn’t work. Mainly because I suck and need to leap from subject to subject so to trick people. From pop culture and comic books, to film and literature. From fiction pieces to true stories about insane things I experienced. From video games to television. It seems I have been lucky enough and have awesome editors and publishers who have pretty much allowed me the freedom to talk about anything and everything. Looking back, I really said so little, but man, I said it using SO MANY words, and I think that counts for something. I thought it might be fun to throw together a few pieces from a bunch of different sites in one article for you Remlins to converge on. Here are five other articles that fairly represent just how much I have to say, how stupidly I say it, and how lucky I am that people allow me to actually say it. Why any of you even listen still makes no sense to me, but. thank you for that. By the way, this piece inspired what may very well be the greatest thread I have ever read over here at SomethingAwful. I can honestly tell you it is a far better read than this piece, so I would go check that out instead, if I were you. Some of it is cruel, but I won’t undersell it, a good chunk of it is pretty f*cking funny.
The first thing I ever tell any music blog or magazine I write for is that I won’t lie. If they are looking for a reviewer who will slather pop artists in compliment and praise just to do it, they are looking at the wrong writer for the job. To me, music is sacred. It is the one thing that saved my life at my darkest moments, and if something sucks to me, I am going to say it. I won’t just say it to be a dick, though. I will say it if I feel it, and I will always give my reasons for that decision. In some cases, though, people hold their pop stars in the same vein as they hold their religious figures, and when you say something even SLIGHTLY negative of their favorite artists, they will let you know you are, literally, the worst person who ever lived and that it would have been better if you died in the womb. No, really, they told me stuff like that. Read on to find out how one review I did Somanymp3s would brew up a shit-storm the likes of which I had never experienced before.