Let me start this off with a few disclaimers. First off, I love the Muppets. Love them. Have written numerous articles across numerous sites about them, and about just how inspirational I think everything Jim Henson did was. Next up, I don’t hate Lady Gaga. I know what she is trying to do, and I respect her from a business standpoint for all she has achieved and how true to her own (um, unique) vision she stays. Thing is, just because you may have two great tastes, that does not mean they taste great together. Honestly, last night’s “Lady Gaga and the Muppets Holiday Special” was the weirdest, and at times, one of the most upsetting things I have seen on TV in a long time. I know that may sound insane, but did you see it? Did you actually fucking SEE IT?!! If you did, I know you are feeling all the weird feelings I am feeling. Take my hand, let’s talk about it.
If you listened to music in the nineties, it seemed like everyone was angry. Or secretly gay. Yet, if you turned on the TV, it seemed like everyone had a really annoying neighbor who was just allowed to walk into their home and make a scene anytime they chose. Or cough out words of advice when the family needed it most. Life wasn’t really like that, though. So, in other words, if someone only listened to music and watched sitcoms in the 90′s, it seemed like the world was full of angry people with retarded neighbors. Man, we all thought the nineties were so cool, but now I am starting to wonder. Anyway, here are the five annoying neighbors from 90′s sitcoms who most likely were hiding far more salacious intentions by being in your home and around your family than would appear in the surface. I gotta warn you, you may never look at Wilson from Home improvement the same way again.
As I sit here, reflecting on my four-hundredth article, I cannot help but look back and be a shocked at how much I have covered, and shocked at how much talking about it will make me sound like a douche. Almost every writer I know who writes successfully (?) and sees their work go into print, seem to focus on one subject. My friend Skippy for example used to only write plot outlines for snuff films. And while it can be said I focus more on cinema than anything else, if you really went back through all the sites and all the articles, you would see that sticking me into one category just wouldn’t work. Mainly because I suck and need to leap from subject to subject so to trick people. From pop culture and comic books, to film and literature. From fiction pieces to true stories about insane things I experienced. From video games to television. It seems I have been lucky enough and have awesome editors and publishers who have pretty much allowed me the freedom to talk about anything and everything. Looking back, I really said so little, but man, I said it using SO MANY words, and I think that counts for something. I thought it might be fun to throw together a few pieces from a bunch of different sites in one article for you Remlins to converge on. Here are five other articles that fairly represent just how much I have to say, how stupidly I say it, and how lucky I am that people allow me to actually say it. Why any of you even listen still makes no sense to me, but. thank you for that. By the way, this piece inspired what may very well be the greatest thread I have ever read over here at SomethingAwful. I can honestly tell you it is a far better read than this piece, so I would go check that out instead, if I were you. Some of it is cruel, but I won’t undersell it, a good chunk of it is pretty f*cking funny.