Please do not mistake this for a fiction piece, or any other such nonsense. This really is a warning above all else. Nutmeg will f*ck you up. I don’t mean “giggling and stumbling around”. I mean, if you ingest enough of it, it may make your heart race, cause you to see things, and most certainly be convinced you are dying. It may not be “talking to dead relatives and getting into a screaming match with a wall” type of tripping. but depending on how much you take, it very well could be. Yes, this is nutmeg we are talking about. The stuff you have in your cabinet right now. I don’t know this from first hand experience, thank God, but I was damn close to finding out. Unfortunately, one of my friends did, and it was one of the most insane and unnerving things I have ever seen. And truth be told, I have seen a lot.

First of all, for people who want to call bullshit or say this is just some blog filler, click here so you can learn a little bit more about its hallucinogenic qualities.. Nutmeg has been screwing people up and sending them on spiritual journeys since it was first discovered. The problem is, people hear about it and assume it is a cheap and easy alternative to psychedelic mushrooms or LSD , and that just isn’t the case. Let me tell you a story about my friend Mike, and his experience with nutmeg. For people too lazy to read this whole post, the long and the short of it is this: Imagine one of your friends, possessed by a demon, while drunk as f*ck, and you have a slight idea of what I experienced being the “sitter” for a nutmeg trip. Yes, sitter as in babysitter. That is how serious this shit is. You need one (or three, or seven) of your friends to babysit you, to make sure you don’t run in front of a bus or try to gouge your own eyes out.

Yes, those are extreme examples.

Jesus, Mom. How much nutmeg did you put into that batch of cookies?

Right about now is when some bored Redditors are going to feel compelled to come to this piece and scream about how ” I DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!” and how “Nutmeg gave me the purest, most spiritual trip of my life, man!” but I am telling you about MY experience watching someone on it. I did not take the drug myself, this is simply my story of the experience, second-hand. So please, self-righteous, nutmeg ingesters, feel free to refrain from telling me I suck.  I have literally NO interest in taking nutmeg to get high. I am an adult. I can get drugs for that.  What I am interested in is attempting to let the masses know they have a pretty powerful hallucinogen sitting in their cabinet (takes a slight process to make it most potent, though, and I won’t tell you what that is) but my experience with my friend is why this is being written. Take it was a warning and nothing else.

So I will paint the image for you guys. Four of us, sitting around a table, sharing our most interesting drug stories. We get to one person, and he tells the story of his friend “tripping his face off for a week on nutmeg” and we all pretty much called bullshit right away. He laughed and told us to look it up, so we did.

And this is what we found out.

“The mailman is naked on our lawn again…”

At this point, rational people, even rational people who do drugs, will be like: Nah, I’m good. But everyone is friends with that ONE PERSON who has to be like: I’LL DO IT RIGHT NOW! Well, after a little research and a run to the store for some whole nutmeg, we tried to talk Mike out of doing this, but he did it regardless. I will say, he did not smoke it, he made a concoction out of fresh nutmeg he ground himself, and he took a rather substantial dosage as a result of some Youtube videos where people didn’t seem to get high off the recommended dosage. That was his one big mistake.

You see, the thing is, he was really just willingly poisoning himself. But none of us thought of it like that. We were young and dumb. But that thought kind of hit us once he began sweating profusely and asking us for help. The thing is, there was not a lot we COULD do. “Thinking you are going to die” is commonly listed as an effect from this drug. Mike, at first, just seemed drunk, but after a few hours, that drunk was replaced with a babbling madman. He was sweating and talking nonsense. He would get up, walk into the bathroom, and just walk out. We watched him do that about two hundred times across the course of the evening.

Genies tend to get the best shrooms.

Things seemed to only get more and more intense for him over the course of the evening. His dry mouth was so bad, he was drinking constantly, but nothing seemed to make it go away. At one point, he ran into his bedroom, slammed the door shut, and started screaming like he was being murdered. It took us a second to get to his room, and by the time we did, he was in his bed with his blankets pulled up to his eyes, mumbling about how he was dying. He was pouring sweat, yet was cold to the touch. This is when we freaked out and decided the only rational thing was to bring this guy to the hospital. We all began to lift him and he started screaming again, but it was unlike anything we had ever heard. It was like he was scared of us.

Oh yeah, he is tripping his balls off and three guys just burst into his room and began to lift him. Kind of makes sense why he would scream in terror.

So we put him back down on the bed, and I leaned down next to him and began talking to him. I was using my uber-sweet, de-escalation voice, which sounds sorta like a late-night Jazz DJ. I was just reminding him who he was, who we were, and why we were here. His eyes sort of flashed when I told him about the nutmeg, like he suddenly could remember what he did for a second.

While on nutmeg, his eyes did look suspiciously like hynotoad’s..

While I was talking to him, my buddy called his girlfriend and had her come over. She was a nurse, and she began to check his vitals and to see what actions we should take next.

If we bring him to a hospital, he could get sectioned (even though nutmeg is legal, he could have been sectioned on the basis that he could have been harmful to himself or others, which is the only reason they need to have to  section you) but if he is in real danger, we would rather he get sectioned than die on us. Though his temp was high and his heart beat a little erratic,  he was beginning to reach a point in the trip when he was ready to pass out. Not “die” pass out, but  pass out as in go to bed, that being the final stage in the nutmeg trip.

At this point, it had been about twelve hours, and we were all pretty freaked by the whole ordeal, but exhausted ourselves. Understand, when you are a “sitter” for someone on a drug trip like this, it is NOT that much different from being a sitter for a child with ADHD. You follow them in and out of rooms, making sure they aren’t sticking forks into toasters. Yeah, this was a lot like that, so we were all pretty tapped out. We agreed to take turns on “watch” with Mike while he slept (i.e checking his breathing and vitals regularly). Death was not a huge risk at this point in his nutmeg trip, but we still weren’t risking the life of our friend over some devil-spice.

I just named it that. Awesome, huh? No? Oh well, I get points for trying, right? No? Wow, you guys are cruel.

Devil Spice would also be my name if I were a Spice Girl.

Mike slept heavy for about 16 hours, and woke with what he called a “killer hangover”. Claims it was the worst headache he ever had, and the dry mouth also stuck around for far longer than he had expected. When we asked him about it from his perspective, he said it felt like being drunk and stoned at the same time when it first kicked in, and then all he says he remembers is the dry mouth, and thinking he was going to die. He said, at multiple points, he had no idea where he was or what has happening, with NO recollection of having taken nutmeg.

Truth be told, it was mind-blowing to us.  A day earlier we were talking about drugs, unaware that the stuff people have been sprinkling on top of eggnog for years actually has hallucinogenic qualities. Is it a high we wouldn’t recommend to anyone? No, it really isn’t. You hear about people thinking they are dying as a result of it far more than you hear about people finding God while on it. I just feel like it is an interesting enough thing that very few people seem to be aware of, so I thought it would be fun thing to share. Please don’t go drink a bunch of freshly ground nutmeg after reading this, though.

Can you tell I love the “tripping balls” pics yet?

Because I can pretty much assure you that if you take nutmeg to get high, you will NOT have a good time. I can also tell you that if you sprinkle a few tablespoons into a full batch of tea or cookies, you might sleep a little better that night.

Just saying, gotta take the good with the bad.

That woman only buys the high-end nutmeg. Damn one-percenter!