Two Epic Internet Threads On Two Major Sites Dedicated To Just How Much I Suck
I know a few of you know about this already because I sent it to you or posted it on my Twitter or Facebook, but I feel compelled to bring it up again. Why? Because there is nothing more humbling than a group of faceless strangers dedicating a whole thread (or in this case, two) to the fact that you are, pretty much, the worst writer ever. And such a terrible human in general, that you probably “killed JonBenet Ramsey.” No, I am not kidding. That is just one of the many colorful insults I have had thrown at me because I choose to write on the internet for a living. So basically, I provide a free service, then I stand there as people walk by and tell me how horrible it is. Like I said, if nothing else, humbling. In the case of the SomethingAwful thread, though, it is actually a really entertaining read. Atleast they got creative and had FUN hating me. I suggest you all read on, though. These threads get pretty tasty.
Listen, the beautiful thing is, I won’t argue with you. If you think I am the worst writer ever, or you think I suck a “bag of dicks”, you are entitled to that opinion. Hell, you’re probably right (minus the dick-bag). And the REAL beauty in all of this is that this is the internet, and you, too, can have a place to post, focused solely on how much the place I post sucks. Isn’t that amazing. And if some of your insults are good enough, they might even make it into my site. Like the link I am about to give you guys. Just click it. Trust me.
This was supposed to be a visual metaphor for how they make me feel, but it fails on all levels.
Did you get all that? Like, really? The best part is, I don’t even remember how I found that. One night, it was just there, on my computer. I stared at it, wondering if I should be upset or honored. Seriously. How would you feel? On one hand, these people are decimating you. But it could be said you decimate yourself, and they are just pointing it out. Any way you slice it, though, they are reading your writing and they know you exist. Which, for any writer, is the greatest feeling of all. Well, it’s not so great when people are proverbially crucifying you, but atleast it confirms you exist. Seriously. That is what we’re working with here. Like how goth teens cut themselves to let out “their pain”, I swim through the trolls and haters, willingly.
And while the SomethingAwful thread was, honestly, funny and creative at times, the boys over at Reddit have had some fun tearing at my corpse, too. Though they do so with far less jest in their tone. Yeah, not so much jest, as rabies. Can rabies convey themselves in a tone? Yes, yes they can.
With stuff like this, I would make fun of me, too.
That was another instance of me finding out about the thread after about a hundred people had already commented, and in their own distinct ways, said I suck so badly Dyson wants to make a new, over-priced vacuum based on my shape. The Remy. Guarantee that shit won’t sell. Sorry if I seem down on myself, three hundred people got under my skin.
Oh, and that thing I said about not arguing you? Yeah, that was bullshit. I’ll probably argue you, because I sometimes react to things like a child (oh, you pinched me? I will pinch you, HARDER!). Not proud of it, but it is who I am. If you think I suck, that’s legit. Go read someone else’s shit. But if you are going to stay here, and tell me how much I suck, be prepared for me to either rally against that, or embrace it, to horrifying degrees.
Fine! Is this what you want?? WELL, IS IT???!!!
The thing about all this, though? You just have to laugh.
You have to.
If I sit there and let it get to you, you would go insane. The internet is full of faceless bullies who stand by and just wait for their opportunity to sling their arrows at you from the shadows. There really is NOTHING you can do but keep writing. Keep going. You fall over and cry, or feel bad for yourself, that won’t accomplish a damn thing.
If they say it sucks, you write something better. If they say that sucks, you write something even better. If they still say it sucks, you out them on your website, publish their phone number, and ask your readers to ruin their lives. Just kidding, guys. My point is, it is a part of the job, and I signed up for this shit, so I gotta ride it out. Good with the bad, and so on. And honestly, I don’t mind the trolls. I really don’t. It is a yin and yang thing, I think. Also, bit of a masochist, I guess.
Yes, it’s a sexual device.
Like I said,you just keep writing. No matter how much you suck. Which, in my case, if I am going by Reddit and SomethingAwful users, is quite a bit. But even if I do suck, which I probably do, I have a better job than them, so fuck ‘em. And God bless this world for being so free that an asshole like can stand on a proverbial soapbox, and assholes like that can jump on theirs and tell me how much mine sucks. Circle of life. It’s a running theme, here.
By the way, I included pics in this article so you trolls would have more fuel for your massive bonfires and epic, hate-fueled threads. I love you guys, seriously. Without you, I would still be convinced I don’t exist. I can’t reiterate that enough. Also, just so we are all on the same page: I did not kill JonBenet Ramsey.